Some Wisdom to live By!
Lost One Lauryn Hill
Strangely, artists who deliver profound life learning lessons through their lyrics, rarely stay around long. Lauryn Hill definitely is one of those artist! Her songs: “Lost One,” “Forgive them Father,” “Doo Wop,” When it Hurts so Bad,” and “Ex-Factor,” are among the most educational pieces of music to ever exist!
Lauryn speaks magic through her lyrics and truly understands people! Some of the topics in her music discuss life’s perpetrators, people who fake “being” in order to gain attention, empathy, and or social likeness verses being self. In her lyrics she teaches about being “real black women,” being honest with ourselves and learning to identify the surface level brothers. Lauryn speaks on being patient and allowing what will be…BE..no forcing!
LIBERATION Outcast, Cee-Lo, Big Rube, and Erykah Badu
Young People! Shake that load off! Really, there isn’t much to discuss. Listen and Learn! We are all Slaves…Liberate the mind and lift the shade that has been pulled over our eyes!
Everyone just wants to be loved. Love?
I recently read the Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman and concluded that as black people, we have really never been taught how to love or how to receive love. In his book, he discusses the five love languages as being:
Words of Affirmation; Quality Time; Receiving Gifts; Acts of Service; Physical Touch
After purchasing the book and reading it, I found more articles and resources online to support his thesis that everyone has a love language and if an interested party understands that particular person’s language, love will develop. Read the following link for more details.
How does this theory apply to black women and men?
As black women, we sometimes settle for unemotional unmotivated men who lack the ability to not only provide the language we need to grow unconditional love, but they also lack the ability to receive the love we as black women give. Let’s face it, as women we are spiritually and naturally gifted in the area of love and understanding how to nurture anything into existence. Not just children but relationships as well. It’s our POWER!
Yet, from pure observation and experience, I have witnessed our men lacking the capacity to protect our emotions, however, they seek and acquire the ability to belittle, downplay, or degrade our emotions to then associate them into categories, such as: drama, weak, emotional, needy, or believe it or not being too feminine. How can a woman be too feminine?
I’ve studied and watched Caucasian relationships and have concluded that their men seem to protect their women because their women tend to allow their men to be men and they allow themselves to be women. Whereas, when I look into our relationships as black people, I notice that black relationships are the opposite. The black woman has to settle more than the white woman. She can’t be emotional or exhibit any signs of weakness or what I call signs of just being a woman without some black men viewing her as too much to handle. He can’t help her because he himself is too out of touch with his own strengths as man, which are sometimes stripped from him during childhood from a stern masculine mother, that he lacks the ability to protect her and provide her with the love language he very well knows can deliver the kind of love that builds strong families.
Some black men view women who follow and lead by their hearts as a challenge; therefore, seek women of a more masculine manner and attitude. Some even prefer their women to be extremely independent and unemotionally affected that she can very well do without him leaving room for him as the leader and the man in their relationship to have it easy and basically disable him from being what God created him to be-The protector.
My belief is that since some African-American men and women have adopted this gender role reversal, that one problem we face within ourselves is being too weak and being too passive that it prevents our families from growing, our women from being feminine goddesses, and forcing our men to become more feminine than our women. No woman should have to be logical and think logically when it comes down to a man. That’s his job! We should be natural friaries!
What has happened is a destruction of the black family and a further destruction and limitation of strong secure black men. It seems the less a woman needs a man, the more a man wants a woman. It used to be that the Spider Man’s or Super Mans of our world enjoyed coming to the damsel in distress’s rescue because men viewed a woman as a weaker sex and therefore, she needed him to protect her and save her. Now, the damsel in distress is left on the roof top parapet awaiting her Superhero and may very well grow old there. Instead, the superhero looks for Wonder Woman! He looks for the woman to save his emotions, to help him through his situation, and carry him on her shoulders! If that isn’t feminine, that what is? Yet, when examining black relationships, most black men enjoy and practically thrive off the Wonder Woman. While, he is content with being her Robin!
Women should always follow their hearts no matter what the deception she creates from thinking or over analyzing why her emotions aren’t being cared for. Our minds are truly decepticons leading us astray off the path to love ever so often, but as women, we usually know our hearts, and we usually feel when we need to leave or stay with a man. Yet, because of our innate energy to nurture and care for others, we will allow our minds to convince us that feeling horrible and allowing our emotions to be downplayed and unprotected is a normal occurrence that must be accepted.
Oprah interviewed one of my favorite authors the other night, Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist and Veronika Must Die and here are a few quotes he mentioned about the heart:
“Listen to your Heart, It knows all Things”
“Know what you Want”
“Don’t Betray Your Heart Ever”
“Know the difference between your heart and your head”
“The Universe will give you exactly what your Heart, not your head desires”
“Everybody knows what they want!”
What Serene Williams Means to Black Women?
If you ask any black girl to name a famous black female athlete, they will more than likely say Serene Williams! And today, Serene won her 18th Grand Slam in New York, at the US Open, against Caroline Wozniacki!
What does she represent for black girls? She represents Confidence, Hard-work, and Dedication! If every black woman possessed those attributes within herself, they too can receive:
$4 MILLION Dollars and an 18 karat gold bracelet!
I love this girl because she is relentless and inspiring. Her dedication to the game of tennis corroborates the idea that WE truly can do anything WE put our mind’s too!
Congratulations Serene Williams!
I too Believe!
Please read the full recap below!
Black Wonder Woman!!! But Why?
Black women lead the race as being the most successful educated women in the world.
Whoop Whoop! Hooray for us!
How sad our black brothers must feel hearing the news that they have been surpassed by the weaker sex in the realm of success. Even with the statistics speaking volumes to the black community that our sisters are running our families and leading our children, it also pumps the black woman’s ego into believing that she is now invincible and shall we say Wonder-Woman?
Why is this entitlement such an aspiration for our black women is yet to be understood or researched, but I stand strong and believe that as black women, we want what white woman have, which is a strong providing man who we can follow and let lead, but with most of our brothers being raised by strong black women alone, we are left with a feminized generation of black men who have the slightest idea on what leading a family and being a man even looks like!
I praise our black women for having the desire to better themselves in the avenue of education and career, but what rule denoted that we as black women must also adopt the strong woman mentality? Knowing what we know about our generation and our black men, black women can’t afford to gain control in every element of our being. Black women don’t cry anymore, black women can’t show emotions in the presence of a man, and black women aren’t allowing black men to see their vulnerability out of fear of being seen as less than him,-weak, which in grand scheme of life and living, she is exactly that-the weaker sex.
Sure this sounds contradictory of everything black confidence stands for, and it seems as if we can’t win for losing regardless of the decisions we make. It seems we either settle for the lifestyle our black man creates for us, or we go out and make it happen and get it for ourselves! I use the word settle because it seems black women have been granted more opportunities than our black men-limiting them to fewer options on being able to provide and lead a family. And in return, black women are becoming stronger, alienated our black men, and less feminine from trying to take the role of a man.
As an educator, I notice the strong woman mentality or pimped-up aggression inside young black girls and during conversations with them I learn that they are hurting and angry with their lives even as children. They want the nice clothes, they want the nice homes, and the loving parents. And when placed in an environment, such as school with children from all walks of life, they become aware of their situations, which channels into determination and anger!
Just the other day, I took a little girl into my arms during lunch-time and had a conversation with her about her negative actions and attitude. I asked if she was angry with the teacher or another student, but neither was the culprit to her agitation; therefore, we concluded that she was just angry with being seen as less than the other girls at the school and whenever she was reprimanded for not having homework or talking out of turn, she lashed out as if the whole world could see her dysfunction or could read her mind and learn the thoughts in her mind that she wasn’t worthy of more.
After consoling her and hugging her, I developed a sense of understanding and promised myself that my goal for this year is to make her cry! I want her to feel her emotions and become a little girl not a strong little lady! Crying cleanses the soul and recuperates the mind leaving us released and ready to start again. But rarely, even as adults, black women see crying as a weakness, which bewilders me, for we are women not men, so who cares if we cry? We are built to cry! Our bodies are meant to show emotions. And rather we have a doctorate degree in biology or work at the general dollar store, black women should never become so engulfed with being the Man that she doesn’t take time to mend her feminine energy and baste in the greatness of being a woman and allowing a man to be a man!
The best feeling a black woman can feel is feeling comfortable enough to show her vulnerability, let her guard down, and give the torch to her man while supporting him as he leads the way! Sure, we can keep succeeding in our careers, but our doing so, only contributes to the black family, it should never be the sole resource, and she should never be the leader.
Maybe the message should be written to the black man, but since I am a black woman, I can’t speak on what he needs to do. I can only say that whatever is going on with him, we can’t be making it any easier for him by stepping on his toes. It is not necessarily the education that we receive that makes us strong independent women, but the mentality that comes with the degree. It’s almost like taunting to hear results that black women are the most educated women in the world.